God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Really? This is one of the Christian cliches Shane Pruitt exposes in his upcoming book 9 Common Lies Christians Believe. In his book, Pruitt encourages readers to move beyond religious platitudes, and helps us to get real with Scripture and live honestly before God.
Pruitt sat down to answer some questions about the inspiration behind 9 Common Lies Christian Believe as well as some of the themes he discusses in the book’s pages. Here’s what he had to say…
9 Common Lies Christians Believe releases on February 19 – it is available for preorder here.
Q: Can you briefly share your family’s personal journey through some challenging circumstances that served as inspiration for writing 9 Common Lies Christians Believe?
A: My wife, Kasi, and I have five children – two are biological and three are adopted. Our oldest adopted son, Titus, is adopted from Uganda. While we were in Uganda, we knew he had some medical issues, but did not realize how severe they were. When we flew back to the States, we literally left the airport and were immediately checked into a children’s hospital. After being there for a couple of days, the neurologist came into our room, turned the TV off, and sat right in front of us. He began to share that our son had cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, and may have been physically abused through shaking.
For a year, both Kasi and I struggled on the inside, but never addressed it. She internalized it, and I stayed busy. On the one-year anniversary of Titus coming home, we both broke at the same time – emotionally and spiritually. During this time, well-meaning people would tell us, “Remember, God won’t give you more than you can handle.” We had also convinced ourselves that we had to be okay. After all, we were not only Christians but also Christian leaders. We’re supposed to put on a happy face no matter what and toss around a bunch of one-liners that sound spiritual, right?
No, that’s not right. Not at all. Kasi and I decided to stop playing the game. We committed to move past the religious jargon and turn our focus back to the intended truth of the Word of God. Once we dug deeper than what cultural Christianity has to offer, we began to get real with the Scriptures again. Thankfully, this caused us to be honest about our struggles and become authentically unafraid to speak about our failures and letdowns. Then and only then did we begin to walk in freedom, the sweet freedom that brings the beautiful comfort and transformational power to walk through any storm and face any mountain. Once, we were in this healthy place, I begin to think about and make a list of all the one-liners that we tend to believe that are actually lies holding us back in our journey with Jesus.
Q: You point out how “follow your heart” has been a very popular catch phrase in our society. What’s wrong with following your heart, anyway?
A: The Bible has a lot to say about the heart, and most of what it says carries a negative connotation. For example, the prophet Jeremiah wrote this: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). The greatest Bible teacher of all, Jesus, also pointed out the fallen condition of our hearts: “From within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:21-23). Basically, the most vile and disgusting acts a human being can be involved with begin in the heart.
Thin about it – if a person was described with these characteristics, would you sign up to follow him? Think about this scenario:
I say to you, “I have a person I would like to introduce to you. In fact, I believe this person could be a great mentor for you. He should be your leader and your guide, and you should do whatever he tells you to do. Follow him. Trust him. Always asks, ‘What is he telling me to do?'” He is deceitful above all things and is desperately sick. He also produces evil thoughts, has a tendency toward sexual immorality, likes to steal and kill, commits adultery, covets, and is wicked, envious, slanderous, and prideful. To top it all off, he is also foolish!” That wouldn’t be wise at all to follow someone like that, so why follow our heart that is described the same way?
Q: You also say the word “heart” is used in one of its various forms over 300 times in Scripture. Can you break down for us what the word heart usually refers to in the Bible?
A: The word heart in Hebrew is lebab or leb and in Greek is kardia. Collectively, these words are used over 300 times throughout the Bible, making it the most commonly used term in Scripture in reference to human functionality. Interestingly, the Greek word kardia is where we get the English word cardiologist, which we know to be a heart doctor. The word carries with it the meaning and belief that the heart is the hub of our emotions, our desire producer, and the center of our being. Plain and simple, the heart represents the locus of our feelings, desires, and emotions.
So if we break down the cliche “Follow your heart”, it would go something like this: Follow, which implies that something/someone is going to lead me. Your heart, so according to this statement, what’s going to lead me is my heart. What I am saying is, “My feelings, desires, and emotions are going to be my guide.” I think we can all agree that is incredibly dangerous, because our feelings and emotions change all the time.
Q: You also address the popular mantra in our society to “believe in yourself.” Why does this get us into trouble? Isn’t the self-esteem movement a positive thing?
A: Don’t get me wrong. The self-esteem movement has the right motivation behind it, but not the right message. Of course, we all want to feel good about ourselves. None of us want to live with low self-esteem, nor do we want our children to dislike themselves. However, the evidence is overwhelming: increased self-esteem hasn’t helped. Our children grow up to see how empty participation trophies are. Prisons are still full. Drug abuse, violence, and suicides are never in short supply. In fact, most people agree that things are simply getting worse.
This kind of advice resonates with our human nature because at the end of the day, we all love taking matters into our own hands. We’d rather trust in ourselves because it makes us feel in control. Deep down, however, in the true essence of who we are, in our soul and spirit, w know it’s a lie. The truth is, the older you get, the more you begin to realize that one of your greatest enemies is yourself. No one has misled you more than you’ve misled yourself. No one has lied to you more than you’ve lied to yourself. No one has hurt, distracted, or hindered you more than you have. In fact, the more you believe in yourself, the deeper the pit you find yourself in. Have you ever noticed that the harder you try, the more you mess up?
If you attempt to live life believing in yourself, you will be trapped by discouragement, fear, anxiety, and worry. The pressure of trying to be in control of all situations will set you up for failure, because being in control is a job above your pay-grade. You were not made to believe in yourself, because you were not made to be in control. You were made to believe in Someone else. you were made to trust Someone else to be in control. That is ultimately what faith is – trusting in the One who sits on the throne as king.
Q: You provide some helpful tips for building healthy relationships on more than feelings. Can you share one or two of your tips for how couples can argue well?
A: Arguing well is about learning, not winning. When you listen to the needs, worries, and frustrations of the other person and learn how to serve each other better, then you have victory in an argument. There are times when you can debate and still lose in the long run. Too often we sacrifice the health of our relationship to get in the last word. Relationships are about learning, not winning. When a disagreement takes place with healthy and mature communication, then sacrificial changes are made to show each other beautiful, unconditional love. That is true winning.
A good argument involves both people talking and both people listening. It doesn’t involve one person doing all the talking while the other person does all the listening. That is called a lecture. Arguing well is one person talking while the other listens without interrupting. Then it becomes a time for the talker to become the listener who avoids interrupting. Also, a good talker communicates with kindness, self-control, and humility. A good listener truly concentrates on what the other person is saying and isn’t distracted by thinking about his comeback. He doesn’t make it an opportunity to bring up her shortcomings from the past.
9 Common Lies Christians Believe releases on February 19 – it is available for preorder here.
